It seems as if life finds it interesting to string you along without any change, excitement, or alteration month after month, and then enjoys pouring out its bucket of love or turmoil to see how you handle the windfall, adjust to the magnificent or magnanimous changes, or squirm and squeal with the overwhelming-ness of all of it, all at once. February was that kind of month. It all come pouring down, all of it wonderful, wonderful things, but all of it dished out in one big lump and the process of combing through it, making sense of it, and making a plan for it is entirely and utterly overwhelming:
On the second weekend of February, what I believed to be a random day trip to the sea turned into an engagement to the most wonderful man I have ever met and someone who has been my best friend since we met a little over four years ago. I can’t really express how excited I am to be with him and how surprised I am everyday that I can be loved by another human being who is not obligated by family ties to love me as much as he does. It was not nearly as glamorous as those things always are in your head. I brought my camera on the trip, thinking I was going to capture a few pictures of our day and never imagining what that trip would entail. Unfortunately, I didn’t happen to remember to put my memory card in. In the end though, I’m rather glad for that ironic slip of the memory because seconds after he asked, I sobbed, and the ring got slipped onto my finger, the strangest most annoying mist-rain got both of us drenched and completely un-fit for any capture of a lasting image. My hair turned into rivulets that quickly washed away whatever make-up remained from my proposal tears, and so the only thing to mark the moment is a really horrible phone-camera image and the memory in my head which still makes me laugh just thinking about it. None of that really matters though because to me marriage is the most incredible thing. The fact that two completely different people from two entirely separate lives and families could meet and discover that they love each other, and that that love is actually returned by the other person blows my mind. I am ready for it…I think…but at the same time as more and more people hear about the engagement and we discuss it, it feels entirely too grown up. If only the rest of life could pause while I wrap my head around this one I think I would be ok but that’s not how all at once works. No, no. All. At. Once. All of it. Everything happening RIGHT NOW.
In the midst of all of this, I am also finishing up the second quarter of my post-grad program. Whew. If going back to school was rough, it’s even more rough now. Typing papers and lesson-plans soon turn into fingers creeping up to my bookmarked “wedding” folder and greedily perusing my favorite wedding blogs (here and here). Next week is finals week though, and the promise of a spring break week after that with evenings free to plan and ponder is about the most wonderful thing I can think of at this moment.
Nothing could really top that second weekend of February, but discovering my featured article in Apronology on the shelves at Barnes and Noble was none the less quite a wonderful additional February blessing. It was a triumphant discovery and I’m still so proud and thankful for it. If you still haven’t checked it out, go to Barnes and Noble!
Are you beginning to understand all at once? I’m seriously worried about March and every other month of 2014 because when February pulls out all of its tricks, my goodness…Despite how overwhelming it is though, how some days I do squeal and squirm and would rather curl up deeper into my bed and have someone else call me when everything is planned out and I can emerge safely, I am so excited for every magnificent and magnanimous thing that is being revealed and the abundance of blessings this year has begun with.