I’m going back to school.
*initiate gusty sighs, pouty face, empty wallet, angry-future-study-sessions* As much as I didn’t want to, and as much as it feels like this decision is propelling me backwards instead of forwards from my
final first college graduation…I am doing it. And, as much as I hated announcing that decision, because, by announcing it, it made it real, I’m actually rather relieved at again having a “plan.” Besides all of that, no longer being an undergrad also lends a tinge of sophistication to student-hood. I reiterate incessantly to myself that tiny compound word that makes being this type of student somehow better: “post-grad, post-grad, post-grad, (it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok).”
If I’m really honest with myself, I actually really love being a student anyway. After I had finally made the ultimate decision and even went so far as to meet with an adviser, I walked into a bookstore that same afternoon and the smell of coffee, the aura of quiet, and the sense of studiousness brought a wave of nostalgia back from my very recent undergrad years when, despite all my huffing and puffing, complaining and moaning, there were moments (just moments, ok?) during personal study sessions where I was unimaginably happy. In some way, you may call it sick, and I may agree with you, but I thrive off of creating study guides, examining meaning from snippets of reading, meeting the challenge of my own expectations, and checking off classes from my degree plan with a little tingle at every check-mark.
So, it’s true, I’m returning to school and again becoming one of the desk set—and, don’t misunderstand, I’m already looking forward to my last day of my last class– but, in the meantime, I’m going to tackle this new goal, embrace this rediscovered study-head, and not stop wearing pencil skirts for, student or not, the first thing you notice in a person is “whether the person is a male or female” and I have no desire to confuse that impression.
– <3 A.